*is evile and awesome* *and hot*

*sits in a corner of The Dark Side and sips a martini*

*senses that he's in trouble using his mad Sithly powerz*

*or, as is more likely, has the Temple wired*

*leaves for a top-secret, highly secure location known only to his typist*

( datapad entry )

*goes off in search of Qui-Gon* *is totally craving the Sith sex*

((Okay, I'm mainly posting as Dooku because I was going to post as someone else, but then I looked at the current music.))

( datapad entry )

*is...um...somewhere*

*is walking through the commercial district of Coruscant, coming back from buying Sabe some jewelry for Valentine's Day*

*searches his quarters for Sabe* Sabe, where are you? It's time to go visit Master Yoda. Remember? The little green fuzzy kitty?

*since the other post is already plenty clogged up, sends a thank you note for his gift to Palpatine*

Master Lord Sidious Chancellor,
Thank you so much for the lovely present. I'll be certain to think of you whenever I use it. Perhaps, in fact, you would like to help me break it in...? I haven't talked to you alone in quite some time, and I would enjoy the company. Let me know if you would like to meet with me.
Sincerely,
Dooku, Count of Serenno

*finally has his Christmas presents delivered to him from the SW equivalent of Amazon.com* *has already sent several nasty comms and fried a few friendly helpdesk people with Force lightning* *is not happy at all* *meditates, fails to release his anger into the Force* *fries a few more Amazon representatives, then goes to deliver his presents*

For Yoda: several non-Twister board games, including Sorry, Scrabble, Candy Land, and Clue, and a subscription to a cookie of the month club.
For Anakin: A copy of The Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Sith Lord A gift card to Evil 'R' Us A carved wooden box containing a selection of high-quality sex toys. ((Megan: *is lame at coming up with actual presents*))
For Qui-Gon: a variety of bondage equipment, mostly of the restraints variety - handcuffs, chains, etc. And some booze. *has no intention of getting Qui drunk and chaining him up, why would you think that?*
For OOC!Palpy: A black iPod nano, preloaded with the angstiest music he could find (most of which, alas, is instrumental, as he's not quite with the music of the times).
For Grievous: A set of magic tricks and a new black jump rope ('cause you know they come in black).

*decides that he should probably stay hidden in the Temple for awhile* *orders his Secret Santa present from an exclusive Holonet site*

I suppose I've been putting this off for far too long.

*packs up his meager belongings, carries them to Yoda's quarters* ...Master? Are you in there?

*waits for Grievous and Anakin on landing pad B, tossing the ignition chip for his speeder from hand to hand*

*comms Anakin*

Anakin, I do so miss your company. Would you be interested in stopping by my quarters for some tea? I would greatly enjoy conversing with you again...and, perhaps, giving you a few...practical lessons? If you aren't busy, of course.

I rather enjoy the company of young Skywalker. We had a nice discussion last week, and I think he appreciated several of the points I made. He's either going to become a Sith Lord or a street whore. I'm not complaining, either way.

Nobody seems to believe that the practices found within the pages of the Kama Sithra did, indeed, originate with the Sith. However, the methods shown in the book are a far tamer version than those passed down within the Sith Order through the ages.

Perhaps I should start holding...lessons. Would anybody be interested in a little one-on-one training? I promise to improve your sex life or at least mine.

*locks himself in his new quarters*

*bars the door*

*shoves several pieces of furniture in front of said door*

*arranges to have all his meals delivered to him by a droid*

*purchases a state of the art alarm system*

*sets the alarm system up*

Well. It's good to be back at the Temple. I just hope I live long enough to enjoy it.

*hangs a sign on his door*

Taking a vacation to an undisclosed location. Back once everybody stops wanting to kill me.

*goes back to Serenno*

Oooooh fuck.

Got distracted by Qui-Gon and allowed Obi-Wan to escape.

Definitely going to get killed now.

In the off chance that I survive, I'm going to kill Obi-Wan in front of Qui-Gon, have sex with him, then kill him.

I am not a happy Sith Lord.

*rubs hands in an evil fashion* I have Kenobi at last! I ran into him while I was...ah...finding a prostitute who looked like Qui-Gon taking care of some business, and decided I might as well kidnap him.

He appears to be rather...high on something, though. I would assume pain medication, since his leg's broken. That's good, it means he won't run away.

*tries to figure out which Sidious to contact about this* *comms both of them*

Master, I have Kenobi in my grasp. Tell me what you wish for me to do next.

Obi-Wan: *is acting stoned in the background* Hi.

*ends transmission*

*looks at Obi-Wan* You're so vulnerable, you know.

Obi-Wan: Eeep. *manages to hobble into a corner and hide*

ETA: Obi: *is currently hiding behind Dooku's couch*
Dooku: Come out and play, pretty one.
Obi: *tries frantically to focus enough to call for help through his bonds* *can't*

Ahem. I'm holding auditions that are not at all of a sexual nature for an apprentice. *smiles* I wish to spread the way of the Dark Side to more Force-adepts. Please, let me know if you're at all interested in the power that I can grant you.

...I have free booze, too.

*shows up on Coruscant* *grumbles* Fucking Zabrak couldn't just stay dead like a normal person.

*pauses* Although apparently normal people don't stay dead anymore. It's somehow not in vogue or something. *shakes his head* It certainly doesn't make sense to me...not that I mind bringing my extremely attractive albeit unfortunately taken former apprentice back to life. *smiles creepily* I do believe he may owe me a few favors for that one.

I wonder if my Master would mind if I "accidentally" eliminated Kenobi as well...

*comms Sidious*

My lord, I have the boy Skywalker captured here. If you wish, I can break him before you come to collect him...if not, I will not touch a hair on his head, you have my word. Tyranus out.

((So I have noooo idea where they are. Whoops. >.> Also, I can soooooo totally type. You didn't see that edit.))